I CLOSE MY EYES ACTUALLY

Sometimes I wonder

Why I still don't have what other people can have

I want a permanent home that I will stay until forever

But I still can't have it

I want to have my own family in an early age of an adult

But I still can't have it

Maybe because I'm actually not a good family member

I put a large hatred towards my father

I rarely call my mother when I'm far away

I have many debts with my sister

I rarely pray for my late sister

I want to have a soulmate like other people

But I still can't have it

Maybe because I'm actually not a good lover

I don't understand much the opposite gender

I don't have enough money to share with other people

I'm not able to protect anyone

I just can dream and no action

Maybe I'm a good common friend anywhere

But I'm not a good family member

And I'm not a good lover

When I close my eyes

And still wondering

I need to see this writing

As it will open my eyes back

And keep reminding me